Tip 1. Be flexible and willing to prioritize. You probably know your spouse as well as anyone. Think about which approach will work in mediation. Does your spouse like to feel in charge? Do they love to win? If so, tell your mediator so you can perhaps find areas where you may have more flexibility and can give. There will also likely be areas that are more important to each of you and your mediator can help prioritize them. [...]
Divorce is complicated. There are so, so many decisions to make. Every fight you have with your spouse requires an investment of your energy and money. It's essential to pick and choose your battles. Here is an exercise you can do right now to decide what is and isn't worth fighting over. Here is an activity you can do to help simplify the process of reaching an agreement with your spouse. Get some paper and a pen. Then, set [...]
Too often, custody and visitation schedules can become a contentious issue between divorcing parents. Any compromise can feel like giving up your children or your role as a parent. Let these five questions be your guide in making a sensible, practical, and beneficial parenting arrangement for all involved. 1. What was the parenting arrangement before the divorce? Think carefully about how much time each parent spent with the children before the word “divorce” entered the conversation. Take, for example, [...]
We all care very deeply for our children, and as such, parenting decisions -- and deciding who has the power to make them -- are some of the most challenging issues to reach agreement on. The best advice is to simplify, prioritize, and delegate. Simplify. There would seem to be thousands of things to decide, but remember that these break down into just a few categories: residence, health, finances, education, and religion. These five simple categories cover most of the decisions. [...]
After deciding to divorce, the vast majority of people are looking for a change of residence. Here are the three most important factors to consider. The settlement. If your residence is jointly owned, rather than being a rental, you may need to wait on moving out. Judges are unlikely to interfere with what is working. If you hope to get the house in a settlement, moving out may hurt your chances. Your kids. According to a study in [...]
The divorce process starts the moment you begin to contemplate divorce. From that moment until you notify your spouse, there is a lot of guesswork to be done. Can this divorce be done collaboratively? How adversarial will you and your spouse be during this process? The decision to pursue a divorce is one you must make alone, and it cannot be reached collaboratively with your spouse. If you are still in a place where you want to talk through [...]
A painful reality of sharing custody of your children is that you will have to compromise on where they spend the most important days on your calendar. Here are some guidelines for reaching an agreement. Divide the Days. You may find that you and your spouse have different priorities when it comes to holidays. It may also be that you and your spouse have holidays that one of you celebrates and the other does not. Trade days that are important [...]
Divorce is hard, and counseling can be a valuable tool for emotional and psychological wellness throughout the process. However, many parents worry that seeking the help of a counselor or therapist might hurt their chances of gaining custody. The short answer is that no, seeking therapy or counseling will not harm your chances of winning custody. Judges usually prefer that if someone is having a hard time with the process that they seek help on their own, without [...]
The best way to get divorced is as cheaply, painlessly, and as quickly as possible. Most people agree on this point. However, when the spouses seeking a divorce don't see eye-to-eye about what's fair, it can be tempting see trial as a way to settle your differences. The judge may not be the understanding person you imagined. They usually take a realist approach to divorce and are therefore more inclined to say, "Your marriage is over. Neither of you will [...]
Hashing out your divorce in court or with attorneys can be time-consuming, expensive, and stressful. But is there an alternative? Can two people come together and reach an agreement about how to divide their household, even if they don’t always see eye-to-eye? You can—with mediation. Agreeing To Mediation The first question many couples ask is: Do we have to be getting along to use mediation? While getting along will make mediation easier, mediators are skilled at helping [...]